mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Having a random hookup so left but love u
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize