Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
