I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
