you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
