I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and you said cock pushups were impossible
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
