I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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