We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize