Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
