Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
