Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
