I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
