do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
