Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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