just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
