now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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