That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize