I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think my moral compass just broke
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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