I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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