the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
