I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
