so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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