The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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