Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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