So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize