Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
