Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
