We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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