soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
