so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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