Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
