so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
