I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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