I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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