this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
