i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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