Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
