The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
