Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
