okay pat passed out under dana's car
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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