Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So vagazzling was a success
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
