had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
