No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
