thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
