I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
