yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
