While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
