mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
