Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
