you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
