a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
