I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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