So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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