I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
