my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
