ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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