Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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