I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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