Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
