if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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