i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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