there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
