I just cut my nipple shaving
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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