My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
