If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm too high and old for this...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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