i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
