I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize