I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
